dumb sayings or puns
the weirder the better.

somedumb sayings I fouind
:roll: I am in shape. Round is a shape. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Stupidity got us into this mess ... why can't it get us out? Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly...and for the same reason. I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Indecision is the key to flexibility. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. If it ain't broke, fix it till it is. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it. I am a nutritional overachiever. My inferiority complex is not as good as yours. I am having an out-of-money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. I'm not afraid of heights, just afraid of widths. Practice safe eating, always use condiments. I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad I take something for it. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. I am not a perfectionist. My parents were, though. You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. :roll: :roll:

some really bad puns
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery. A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking. A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time. Dijon vu - the same mustard as before. Practice safe eating - always use condiments. I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. Marriage is the mourning after the knot before. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Corduroy pillows are making headlines. Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome? Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play. Banning the bra was a big flop. Sea captains don't like crew cuts. Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor. Without geometry, life is pointless. When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination. Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion. Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red. When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I. If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons? I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.