addiction articles or refreances

Addictive Personality
this is a paper that I wrote in college. I can not find the finale copy so this may have many spelling errors in it. It was originally wrote as a speach. Addictive Personality Before I begin to discuss the addictive personality, I would like to define the word addiction. According to Dr. Archibald D Hart, and the Webster dictionary the definition is a very general one. It is applying or devoting oneself habitually. This can also be used to describe good things that people do. The Latin root of the word is addicene or to give assent. To assign, or surrender. In ancient times this was used to describe some one in bondage or slavery. This then is a good definition of the modern addict, a slave to an object act or event. We now have a basis to understand that the addiction can enslave us and create a personality all on to its won. Each person has within him or herself the capacity to become an addict. We all seek pleasure and avoid pain and unpleasant life events. It is when this pursuit of pleasure becomes all consuming that the addiction truly starts. Addiction must be viewed as a process that has a definite, but often unclear, beginning, and an end point. This especially true for the development of the addictive personality. According to Craig Nakken’s book, The Addictive Personality, the addictive personality will go through three distinct stages. Stage one: Internal Change Like many other illnesses, many changes take place long before the person knows that there is a problem. In stage one a person’s personality can be preeminently altered. Any additive relationship begins when a person continually seeks the illusion of relief to avoid unpleasant situations. This can be termed nurturing through avoidance. It is an unnatural way of fulfilling ones emotional needs. At some point the addictive behavior begins to replace natural relationships and the relief this relationships offer. Eventually addicts seek serenity through an object or event. This then is the beginning of the addictive cycle. With most people, pain and discomfort are a cue to connect with others or even themselves. To the addictive person this is the cue to act out. As in the chart, the person feels the pain in A, then in B he or she will feel the need to act out. In C the person is acting out and feeling the high produced by the activity. In D the person begins to feel shame guilt and remorse from the acting out. This brings us right back to the feelings of pain and the need to act out. This cycle is perpetuated over and over. The woman I interviewed, whom I will call Carrie, states that she grew up in a very dysfunctional family and had a desire to escape at a young age. As a teen she found that while she was drinking she did not have to deal with the problems around her. As she began to drink more and more she began to seek out only those that could help her achieve her high and help her escape. This then set up a pattern of mistrust and lies to help her get what she wanted. Many times after binge drinking Carrie would feel great remorse and shame. This then set up the cycle that I described earlier. The most important aspect of stage one is the creation of the addict personality. In other words the split between the self and the addict. The self represents the human and normal side. The addict however is consumed and transformed by the addiction. It is not uncommon for the person to have an argument in ones own head about the behavior. The self knows the actions are wrong but the soothing voice of the addict worth its false promise of peace will often win out. Robert Louis Stevens book DR Jekyll and Mr. Hyde describes this loss of self in a single passage. “Where as in the beginning the difficulty had been to throw off the body of Jekyll, it had been of late, gradually and decidedly transformed itself to the other side… I was slowly losing hold of my original and better self and becoming slowly incorporated with my second and worse self.” This passage brings us to stage two: Lifestyle change. As the addictive personality learns to gain more control over ones life, the behavior becomes more visible. Behaviors such as over spending binge drinking, and multiple sex partners occur only after the addictive personality is firmly in place. It is with these behaviors that others begin to see the addict side of the personality. In stage one the person behaved largely in a socially acceptable terms. In stage two the addiction begins to regulate all aspects of the persons life. It is at this stage that the person begins to arrange the rest of his or hers life around the acting out behavior. The desire for the high seems to transend all other decisions and commitments. As Carrie began to drink more and more she began to put herself in to situations that were harmful to her. No longer did she seek out relationships that were healthy, only those that could help her achieve her high. During one such episode she experienced a black out drunk and woke up somewhere in Kentucky. To most “normal” people the first desire would be to get back home. Carrie states that her first reaction was to find a way to get high or drunk. This led her to use harder drugs and move in with a married man, something that in 1950’s was unheard of. This landed her in jail for six months. This truly illustrates the commitment to addict side of the person. It is during this stage also that the person must make sense of the behavior. To do this the person will rely more and more on the logic of why he or she does what they do and less and less on those around them who truly love them and want to help. This further isolates the person from the world around them and causes more pain and loneliness. This then triggers more pain and the desire and need to act out even further. With the continued mental obsession and the continued acting out the commitment to the addiction increases. This is then the loss of the inner self to the addict. When the addict is in full control this sets up the final stage of the addictive personality development. Stage three: Life breakdown. Stage three occurs because addiction works so well at producing pain, shame, loneliness, and anger. By the time the person is in stage three the addict is firmly in control. The person does not care about what happens to others and themselves. The only thing that matters at this point is the high produced by acting out. It is at this stage a person breaks down emotionally, spiritually, and finally physically from the pain and stress produced by the addictive behavior. Also in stage three the person no longer feels the pleasure that he or she once did. Although the person may feel some distance from the pain, at this point the pain is always present. Behavior becomes so extreme at this stage that it not only scares those around the person but the addict him or herself. The addict is so committed to the acting out behavior that only something drastic or an intervention will break the cycle. This can be termed as hitting a bottom. It is during this time, often the lowest point in ones life that the person can begin the slow crawl back to sanity. Unfortunately many do not reach this stage, as death will occur first. As Carry’s using progressed she states that she lost more and more of herself. During the course of her life she gave birth to ten children but gave five away due to her inability to take core of them. She states this was extremely painful for her and she used this as a further excuse to use and hide in her pills and bottles. She too experienced a “hitting bottom.” This was through the death of her husband. She states that when he suffered his last heart attack she was to “messed up” to help” this was left to her teen-age son. She further states that it was almost a week before she really knew that he was gone. She knew that something was wrong because everyone was crying. This was the finale springboard that got her into treatment and the help that she truly needed. That was in 1979 and Carrie has been sober ever since. It is said that she has helped hundreds make their way back to sober life. The progression of the addictive personality can be a slow one. It is to be noted that during any stage a person can hit his or her bottom and begin the climb back to “normal” life. The journey back can happen and many times does. The lady that I interviewed is my natural mother. She gave me up for adoption when I was about three years old. It was only through my own climb back to the real world did I have the opportunity to reestablish a healthy and nurturing relationship with her once more.

The Dance Of My Addiction
this was written by somone I met on another website whome I am honered to call a friend and has helped me more than she really really knows or will ever know. I hope she does not mid me posting this here. The Dance Of My Addiction . One two three, one two three, around and around I go. I dance alone, freely embracing the beat and sway of life. Up, down, this way and that, I leap. I twirl with my arms outstretched. The delicate black material flowing off my arms floats in a beautiful pattern. It ripples in the wind as it cascades down to the ground. Off in the distance I see an ordinary man. Not too tall, dark hair, olive skin, wearing an ordinary white robe. He’s dancing a simple dance, drawing some into him. I dance closer to him, curious. Who is this stranger? What is that dance that he is teaching? He draws me to him, takes my hand and begins to show me the steps. I find that I like his dance. It’s simple but beautiful. No competition. Love surrounds me for the first time. Joy begins to leap up from within me. How could I have been content dancing the dance I had danced alone? My mind drifts back to the time I danced a dance of pain. I was so happy to leave that behind and be free to dance my own dance. Others came into the dance. As I dance with them, my gown slowly begins to lighten. As I look at each person, I see that they too are wearing some shade of white. Those who had been there for a while were closer to pure white, while new comers like me, had on darker robes. As I dance with my newfound friends, I begin to notice another stranger .. But yet he wasn’t a stranger at all. Some how he seems so familiar. Could it be my addiction . I look into his eyes and they seem to grab a hold of me. I go to him. He is dressed in a mysterious black robe. Each fold seems to hold endless unknowns. His gentle soft hands took mine. My heart leaps with anticipation. He smiles and draws me closer. I dance with him. I notice a wonderful hypnotic aroma, mmmm…the scent, so relaxing. I let myself melt. I close my eyes. I let go. I breathe in deeply. Then I stop, short. What was happening? That wonderful aroma is changing. There on the fringes I can smell hatred. It becomes more intense. Each breath becomes more painful. I brake away from the man and stumble back to the ordinary man. He embraces me with love. Wipes the tears from my eyes. More tears welled in my eyes as I realized that I almost fell for the lure. How can it be so tantalizing? Why does it continue to draw me? take hold my friends hands and dance the freedom dance. I’m happy. I’m free. I’m loved. I can be the person I am meant to be. I'm filled with hope. then,........One of my friends whispers in my ear, “this will feel so good ,Come dance with me, I have something good for you to see”. As I dance with my friend, pictures begin to appear. All around me these sensual pictures whirled. My body comes alive. I quickly forget reality as I lust after these fantasy images. I know they are not real. I can see right through them, but my body responds eagerly. I go deeper and deeper until I almost loose sight of the simple ordinary man. The simple man looks over at me with tears in his eyes. I long to go to him, but I’m being pulled away. Then He disappears. Ecstasy overcomes me and I no longer care. I ride this new but old dance for what it has for me. The cares of this world fade and I slip into bliss. Then he, who is dressed in the mysterious black robe, appears. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me into him. He hands me a golden chalice full of a sweet smelling fruit juice. I take it. I hear his words float all around me, “Drink my child for it is good”. I drink. As I drink, I begin to tingle as the liquid goes down. I’m so happy. Now I am really free. Everything spins. The mysterious guy picks me up in his arms and I rest my head against his chest. He begins to whisper in my ear, telling me everything I want so desperately to hear. As I lay there, listening and feeling. I begin to realize that something isn’t right. I’m being wrapped in a blanket of shame. The pit of my stomach protests with its queasiness. I try to move but I find that I’m so week, so very week. I call out for help. Pain floods my soul. I realize that I had been fooled once again. Why can’t I stay away? Why do I give in? Why do I dance where I don’t want to dance? Tears stream out of my eyes. The man throws me into a bottomless pit. I go tumbling down. As I fall, I realize that my friend had been that man in disguise. I failed to see that until now. Now it’s too late, for I’m falling. I no longer care for the pain is too great. My whole being cries out again. I feel dirty. I feel unloved and despised. I feel alone. I feel shame ! Author Rue Edited by Rod

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